


How Did You Manage This One?

by NoBrandHero



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Accidental Bondage, Established Relationship, Fluff, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Kissing, M/M, Meteorstuck, Non-Sexual Bondage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-21
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-26 00:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1668383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoBrandHero/pseuds/NoBrandHero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat gets caught in a literal bind when he fiddles with the meteor lab's wiring. To make matters worse, his matesprit is too busy cracking bad jokes and flirting with him to be of much help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Did You Manage This One?

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this fanart](http://fivefootfuckyou.tumblr.com/post/84952635480/dude-how-did-you-even-manage-that-i-dont-know) by Tumblr user fivefootfuckyou, because sometimes I see the words "someone fic this" and can't help but fic it.

No one else on the damn meteor was competent. Or reliable. Or diligent. Nor would they have helped even if he'd asked them to anyway, which left Karkat Vantas, ruthless and wise and tragically overworked leader, to deal with the faulty wiring deep in the meteor all by himself.

He wasn't actually all that familiar with wiring, but no one else needed to know that -- especially when no one else was any fucking better. It took some creativity to climb into the ceiling crawlspace but he managed and, once there, he got out his husktop to search for tutorials. He crawled through a sea of wires, fiddling with them and swearing up a storm.

The damn things were a tangled mess and it took half an hour of sorting them out before he could even start piecing together which ones were loose or suffering other issues. It was tedious and unsatisfying and he was not going to let the others forget what lengths he went to in order to make sure their lab stayed functional.

Finally satisfied with the state of his work, he crawled backwards towards the opening he'd left in the ceiling, but, in one of his worst lapses in judgment yet, he overestimated its distance by more than a few feet. Air rushed past him as he fell.

Something gripped his legs and he flipped midair, his new aim sure to snap his neck as soon as he hit the hard floor. His fall stopped with a jerk, still a good foot or two away from a crash landing.

In his endless talent and wisdom, he'd managed to get his legs wrapped in the bulgesucking wires he'd been trying to fix. They'd probably just saved his life, but he wasn't sure he wouldn't have preferred just snapping his neck over the humiliation of hanging from the ceiling like some kind of hopbeast stuck in a hunting trap.

He tried squirming his legs free but somehow that only seemed to make the wires tighten around them all the more. He couldn't even struggle enough to kick at the damn things. He reached up as far as he could, but his fingers only grazed the nearest wire, without a chance of getting enough of a grip on them to pry them loose.

Fuck. His. Life.

Of all the laughably wiggler-level ways to fuck up, he would find the one goddamn way to fuck up so beautifully that his useless ass couldn't even crawl away to hide the damage. It would actually be more harmful to him if the damage wasn't discovered. And to top it all off, there was no telling how long it would take before any of the other assholes would even notice he was gone, let alone form a search party and discover him in his embarrassingly vulnerable state.

As it turned out, he wasn't giving his matesprit's clinginess nearly enough credit.

"Yo Vantas." He heard Dave's voice echoing down the hall within five minutes, growing louder with each word. "You done yet? You said this would take, and I quote, 'Five goddamn minutes, you pathetically needy bulgefuck' and, hate t' tell you this, but it's been like six five minuteses. Do I really gotta relearn how to watch a movie without a loudmouth troll around to mack on during the boring scenes?" Dave turned the corner and froze in the doorway.

"One wrong word, Strider," Karkat said, "and you are absolutely relearning how to watch your shitty Earth cinema alone."

Dave wandered over, his face blank and his shades aimed straight at Karkat. He stopped a couple feet away and his lips twitched into a small smirk. "Holy fuck, it's Spider-Man."

Karkat growled. "What the hell is that? Do I look like a fucking Serket to you?"

Dave knelt to be closer to face-level with Karkat, for as much good as it did when their faces couldn't actually align. "Dude, how the hell did you manage this one?"

"I don't goddamn know. Just get me down before someone else sees."

Instead of obeying, because it was apparently Strider policy to never listen to people smarter than them, Dave leaned in and planted a kiss on him. It was hands down their oddest kiss yet, with every familiar movement backwards to the point their lips fought to mesh properly.

Karkat fought a blush as the kiss ended. "That's not helping, shit for sponge," he muttered.

"Yeah, but I always wanted to try that." Dave shrugged. "You know, some grade-A romantic schlock, spur of the moment kiss, unconventional positions to prove how dedicated we are to smashing mouths together, touch of bondage to give it that slightly not-safe-for-work tinge..."

"Oh my god, are you turned on by this, you disgusting pervert?" Karkat said. "Is this what you think about when you jack off on the cold lonely nights that I abandon you to your own devices? Do I need to decaptchalogue a bottle of water over your head?"

Dave smirked again, in that way he did whenever he was about to spew bullshit. "What if I said yes?"

"I'd tell you to fucking stuff it and help me down already."

"I don't know, man, I'm feeling a little shaken up by your accusations that I'm a horrible monster who dares be turned on by a kink as common as light bondage," Dave said flatly, wiping at an eye like a drama queen. "Might need to go recover first, cry my eyes out, whine on my blog about how my very own prude of a boyfriend kinkshamed me..."

With a groan, Karkat reached out, grabbed Dave by the back of his head, and pulled him in for a deeper, longer kiss. He tasted the top of Dave's tongue instead of the roof of his mouth (and maybe that was a little hot but as if he'd ever admit it). Karkat was more than a little smug when Dave looked caught off-guard as they parted.

"Okay then." Dave swallowed. "You knew I was joking, about the not letting you down thing, right?"

Karkat rolled his eyes. "And you knew I was calling your fucking bluff, you stupid pervert of a pink alien?"

Dave paused. "Well, duh." He straightened up. "A'right, let's get you out of this setup before we bluff our way into something steamy."

"As if you don't want that."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, total pervert right over here, helping my boyfriend even though he calls me names and makes fun of me." Dave pried at the wires, frowning a little when they didn't have much give. "What if I just chop these off?"

"Don't you fucking dare, you moron!" Karkat did his best to yank away and only lightly swung instead. "You could cut the power to the whole lab! Do you want to make the rest of this trip in the dark? I can't be held responsible for laughing at your pathetic ass when you constantly walk into walls with your puny human gander bulbs."

"Was just asking. Cool your crazy bread, Vantas." Dave knelt again. "Guess that means we gotta do this then." He wrapped his arms around Karkat's torso and stood, lifting Karkat higher into the air until the tension on the wires loosened. "All on you now, dude, kick that shit away before my arms get tired or something."

Karkat huffed and kicked at his ankles, prying the wires up and off bit by bit. As soon as they were free, Dave lowered Karkat and let him go when he was safely on the ground.

"Jesus, trolls are heavy," he said, rubbing at his arms.

Karkat stared up at the wires hanging from the ceiling -- all those damn wires he'd just finished putting into place. "Cry me a goddamn river after half your day's work gets ruined because your legs are clumsy assholes that decided to take a fall at the worst possible fucking moment." He made the bothersome trek to the ceiling again, dragging the loose wires with him.

Dave stuck his hands in his pockets and watched him. "Think I'll stick around this time, make sure you don't get in trouble again."

"Fuck you with a rusty sickle."

"Now who's the kinky pervert?"

Karkat groaned and got to work examining the damage done by his slip-up. To his relief, nothing was so out of place that it took more than half a minute to get it back in order.

"So," Dave said, "you know how I never actually gave a shit about the bondage crap and I was teasing you to be an ass, right?"

Karkat climbed out of the opening in the ceiling, hanging by his fingers for a moment before dropping safely to the floor. "Right."

"Yeah." Dave tilted his head. "Funny thing is, in retrospect, that was hot actually."

Karkat felt his face burn. He tried desperately not to think about the upside down kisses and how he'd kind of liked them. (And it was really nice that, despite their constant teases and insults and threats, he trusted Dave not to actually overstep any boundaries even when he was nearly helpless.) "We both know that's a load of bullshit." Karkat cleared his throat. "But since you're my whiny matesprit who needs coddled to survive, I guess I can suck it up and humor you on your weird flights of fancy on occasion, if you're not just pulling more ironic crap."

"So, any future freaky stuff happens, blame gets placed on me. That's what you're saying?"

Karkat pointed a finger at him. "Anything weird and experimental I try out with you is all your fucking fault, forever and always."

Dave snorted. "So long as that's a legit green light, whatever, man. If anyone walks in and you don't want to admit you got curious too, I'd take the fall for you."

"I know you would." Karkat took his hand. "Let's go watch one of your dumb movies and tell no one this happened."


End file.
